In a heartbeat...

I go to the doctor tomorrow to hear the heartbeat. Wish me luck. Hopefully,

a. There is one.

b. Not two.

WTF moment number 457

Would you cry and sniffle to your brother about vaginal bleeding??


Anything for sympathy.

Sonic

In Virginia, we always saw commercials for Sonic, but never could find them. So, on facebook there is a chick that I know thru someone else... (I have talked to her face to face, so it isn't an internet thing) anyways she is always raving about Sonic.

So, I gave it a try.

It ain't that great. But, I got a cute pic out of it.

Halloween

As you can guess, my test is over. I won't find out the results for another 6 weeks. Colorado Pharmacy sucks. In Virginia, I got the results right away and had my license in my possesion in 3 days. In Virginia it took me 4 weeks to get the approval to take the exam... Colorado took 6 months. So, Colorado takes 6 times longer to get anything done.

Here is a video of the McFrank Hallowed Home... check out the music or is it just our kids screaming. Listen to Madelyn say there is nothing to be scared of.

Costco

I hate Costco now.

I went with Audrey to Costco and she is in the stage where she doesn't want to stay in the cart... she wants to be held. So I let her push the cart. (With my help, of course) Everywhere I go people give me horrible looks and comments. I talked to the neighbor a few doors down about it. She has a girl 9 days older than Audrey and she is going thru the same phase. An old Asian women stopped me and said, "Why don't you put her in the cart?" I gave her the look from hell and nastily replied, "Because she won't go in there!" What do you want?! Do you want a screaming kid? Yeah, she might fall down, but guess what... that is kids do... they fall down.

Some quotes from this weekend

"I don't care what you say, you are NOT their grandmother", Luke- Laura's son
Lois just giggled.

"Give me that! That is not YOUR present! You can't touch that!" Luke again as Madelyn was handing over our present to him. No one disciplined him on that either. What a little shit.

"Angela, blah blah blah...." Laura. It is ANGIE!

"..." Laura staring me down at Red Rocks. What did I do? Hell if I know but she was NASTY the whole afternoon.

Fever and ER visit

Yesterday was David's cousin's wedding. Audrey has had a fever but in the late afternoon she started to cheer up and I decided to take her with rather than face the rath of his family of not bringing her. At the reception, her fever started spiking again and it was 104 with Tylenol. We high tailed it out of there and got her home and gave her a bath and she was back to normal again. She woke at 11:30pm throwing up and her fever was back up to 104 again with tylenol AND ibuprofen on board. We dumped her into the tub again and when we got her out her face turned blue. That's it! I am taking her to the emergency room!

They took a chest X-Ray and urine sample. Her ears looked abnormal, but they were not infected. The chest X Ray showed she had infiltrates in her lung, which could be a virus or the start of pneumonia. He gave us antibiotics.

What stinks is if I wasn't so afraid of his family getting all up in my grill about not bringing Audrey, I would have kept her home... She would have gotten better rest and this may never have happened.

Fever and

Oh and by the way...

David's parents come today... but, we won't see them until tomorrow, if the kids are well. Currently, Audrey has a fever of 102 and in their eyes she has it because I am a horrible parent.

Parent Pet Peeve

You know what question I really really hate....


Why are your kids always sick?



Well, how should I answer that? Whenever possible I make them roll around in germ infested debris then I make them eat with their disgusting unwashed hands. Then, I make them skip their naps so they are exhausted and I only feed them pudding and ham.

I am constantly washing their hands... I have hand sanitizer with me at all times. I try and get them to sleep, but they won't. I give them healthy food and, YES, I give them vitamins!

I try everything to keep them well. So, people who ask me... Why are they always sick?

Shitty shitty shitty genetics and plain bad luck. Oh and by the way.

Bite me.

Economy

Too freaked out to write anything... besides I feel like poop. Thanks kiddos for the nice cold!

The economy is REALLY REALLY scary.

Madi hearts Bon Silo

After this video, she screamed and screamed because she started coughing really bad from dancing so hard... and I had to cut her off. My kids love Bon Silo. Maybe they should think about doing a kid's album.

hello?

Oopps... Some children got harmed during the filming...

CrazyTown

Nelson Rules!

More... no more!

I got this in the mail... and I thought to myself.. the card that gets you more.

More Debt.

Selling my soul for facebook?

I have a rule about facebook.. I never ask people to be my friends. Why? I guess I am afraid of rejection. But, now I feel competive... very evilly competitive. Someone asked me to be their friend and I was very proud... I had more friends. Screw you, Mr. Popularity! I really don't like this person, but I felt compelled to press the accept button to be their friend. Now, they are adding all my fri-enemies and they have added 27 friends in the last 3 days. I feel I can also add that many friends... but do I want to? Do I want to sell my beliefs for a little friendly fire on this dude? I feel that this guy is adding all these friends to be competive with me because, seriously, I know all the people he is adding and I have probably pissed off 75% of these people at one point or another.

Should I compete?

It's been awhile..

Well, we went to Winterpark, CO on Aug. 23rd... Madelyn started barfing Aug. 27th. Four days of fun then four days of shit and vomit.
Madelyn starts preschool next week.
Parents in town.
Need to clean.

Title of the Blog

I was just wondering... why hasn't anyone questioned the name of the blog? It would be one thing if David wrote it. But, he doesn't. Does everyone know that he is a chick-like dude?

Kimchi... Madi

Talk about a hardcore 3 year old. White on the outside... Yellow on the inside. That is all the asian food I eat while I make them in my belly...

I only know one person (who is orginally from Thailand) who thinks MSG is bad during pregnancy... Did you see the opening ceremony? They didn't get that smart from eating mac n cheese and hot dogs.

More Pics and a craigslist story

A Cozy Cruiser The Playhouse
The climber (behind my homemade pinata... I am NOT SPENDING 20 bucks on something you are going to destroy!)

I have been stalking craigslist for weeks trying to get a Little Tykes climber for the kids... Everytime I was too late and the person how would buy it would resell it on craigslist for quadruple what they paid for it. They would make up a story how grandma gave it to them or other shit like that... but, the EXACT same one was sold TWO days ago for 25 bucks and you are selling it for 100 bucks! That's insane and not to mention, just mean!

Mean Lady dialogue: Let me dangle a piece of candy in front of your face, but you have to pay out the ass for it because I have no life and can reply to the ads in 30 seconds. Reload. Reload.

Anyways, I finally beat them to a cheap one and I got it... So, I was telling the lady who I was buying it from the story and she offered me for Little Tykes Playhouse for free and them she gave me a Cozy Cruiser and Shopping cart, too! All for 30 bucks.. sweet lovin'!

Pics

Which one is white trash?

Another WTF moment brought to you by the McCrosky's

So, We are joining the church that we baptized Audrey in. In order to become members, you need your baptism date and confirmation date. So, I know mine because I am a genius and David needed to get his... so he called his mother.
Dum dum dum


He left her a message on her cell... she calls back without listening to her voicemail and said she saw he called and she was calling back. So, David called her back again and left another message. A day goes by... no response. David calls his Dad and says he needs this information.
His father (who never talks to his wife) said he will relay the message to Lois.

Supposedly, David's Dad told his wife repeatedly to call David back. Three to four days went by and I assumed that she forgot or just decided that she wasn't going to... we needed to fly there and get the info.

So, I told David to call his grandmother who has replicable information tracking skills... she knows everything. In twenty minutes we had the info. So, David's Dad tells Lois that David got the info from his grandmother... and they were driving in the car. And Lois threw a tupperware container of leftover food on David's Dad... no matter HOW long it was going to take to get the info... David should have waited to get the info from her... HIS mother!

And that is another WTF moment by Lois. Thank you and have a pleasant night.

Homeward Bound Snake

A snake. I hate snakes. I let the scary neighbor kids catch it. I figured they would kill it in some way... No, their bipolar mother made them let it go... and the damn thing is back in my rocks in the front yard.
I hate snakes

Happy Birthday, Stinky Face!

Here is a picture after she tried the flaky part of the Baklava... Hmmm... Flaky... nutty. Am I describing the pastry or "Grandmother".

Pics

I miss Indiana

Taken in Anderon, IN by David's friend, Jim... Mr. Fischer, if you are nasty.

Baklava Arrives

One pound of Buttery,Honeyey, Adult Rated Pastry arrived when I was outside telling my neighbors about my in-laws lack of intelligence about children. I thought about declining the delivery. Then, I thought about it. I pushed her out. (in 5 minutes by the way with my powerful pelvis) I have put in alot of sweat and tears into this kid. I am going to take lemons and make lemonade. I am going to eat the whole fucking pound of Baklava and make breast milk with it.

My Omarosa Story

Omarosa worked DC not as a political assistant, but as a leasing agent in Charles E Smith Apartment building... and guess who lived in these apartments... moi.

One day David and I were walking out of the parking garage and see the very tall black women.. (Apprentice One was still on the air and she was still on TV at the time, too.) I go... Shit, is that Omarosa? She was working at a neighboring apartment hi-rise that our friends lived at.

We duck into the lounge area and sneak around and Yup, that is her. I guess she didn't win, we thought.

Later that week, David decided to fall asleep when we had made plans to do something and I was slightly irritated.. so instead to waking him up... I left. I got into the elevator and there was the giant. She smiled at me and I kinda smiled back... like, yah.. I know who are, but I don't care. She goes, "Oh, my God! (and grabs my hand) what is the size of this ring??! What is it? Like three carats?" The people she was showing apartments to say, "Oh, so you are a jewelery expert, too?" They all fake laugh and I say, "it is 1.17" The other black bitchy "O" goes, "What? Really? It is so clean... did you just get married? (I smile and nod my head) Are you driving each other crazy, yet?" I smile and say, "Why do you think I am by myself in the elevator?" Elevator Door opens, I leave... scene ends.

Oh, Omarosa...

Watch this

Am I a facebook snob? Damn straight!

So after some self revelations while I was folding David's tighty whities I have to the realization that I am a facebook snob. I have some rules when it comes to facebook that I have put into order in the last couple of months...
1. I do not ask people to be friends. No... I don't. You see, David got on my account and asked Andy to be a friend. (I am glad David did, but as a rule, I do not ask people) It might be the fear of being rejected or I just don't give a shit what people are up to. Neverless, I don't ask.
2. When people ask me to their friend... I ask myself... Do I care? I assume most people have the rule.... but there is a lot of facebook whores out there... throwing their friendships out like Paris Hilton's who-who.
3. Do I give you a second chance? This kid ANNOYED THE SHIT out of me asked to be his friend... I gotta say... Was I not mean enough to him in high school to leave me alone 12 years later?
4. I have more groups that are related to food chains than other interests... that just means I am a food snob.
5. Stop asking me to a flower power person or Mob Wars... or whatever the kids are into these days... I press the ignore button, okay! So could-ja would-ja , stop wasting my time. (Unless it about Purdue... then at my discretion... will decide if you are wasting my time)

Anyways... here are some videos of my kids.

MOST RETARDED!

What would you get a one year old for their birthday? A doll... some clothes.. baklava? Yes, her grandparents got her Baklava... She only has 4 teeth... and we don't give our kids any sweets before age two... I will have to freeze and give it to her when she is able to eat it. She will probably choke and the nuts... She can't eat honey or nuts, yet, because of American Pediatric Association recommendation (but, what do they know).

Well, for Madelyn's first Christmas (she was 5 months old) they got she summer sausage. Any people wonder why we run away from them?

If you must give Harry and David... how about some fruit? Shit, cookies would have even been smarter... but Baklava aka loaded gun of choking nuts.

Disney?

How was Disneyland? Well, it was okay... it started off by me only getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep the first night, which I expected to do. Then, I lost control of the hotel door and it hit me on the hip bone landing me in a wheel chair... (it hurts so bad... I thought I had broke it.) Then the last day we were there Madelyn spiked a fever and a nasty cough. So, yeah... Glad to be home.

Two Days Until Disneyland

I am still sick. Getting extremely nervous. I hope it isn't a trip from hell.

Heroes Characters

Well, my power of invisibility must have been passed on to my children because their grandmother completely ignored them. She played and cuddled with her grandson and barely said hello to my kids. She didn't hug them, kiss them... or even acknowledge them. When we were leaving she told Audrey to tell Mother that she wants to come visit her grandmother... Why? So we can fly somewhere and pay 600 bucks to be ignored! I rather get kicked in the balls. (If I had them, of course) She can see her grandson whenever she wants... he lives 3 minutes away... these kids live 14 hours away. Madelyn loved playing with her grandmother in April, and you can't be bothered to say Hello or give a hug? Kiss my kids!

McCrosky Visit

Should I state the going-ons that happened when David's family came to Colorado? It might piss some people off. But, it would just be stating the complete truth with an occasional frank side comment.

Stayed tuned.

Sick.

Madelyn has been puking all night for the last 2 or 3 nights... I am so tired... I don't remember. She has an ear infection. Audrey is getting 5 or 6 teeth in, so she is not a happy camper. I have a sinus headache, post nasal drip and a annoying tickle cough. Tomorrow is David's cousin's wedding and I am so dreading it. I wish I didn't feel so crappy because I usually enjoy a free meal.

On a good note, Audrey is walking.

Crazytown

Two days until crazytown hits the west. It makes me feel like someone is slapping my mommy bulge and given me a rectal cleanse.

Oh no!

What will people procastinated around the world do? Crime will raise at 3pm, a sudden rise of productivity at companies around the world... inflation will be curbed for a brief moment while everyone runs to Starbucks....




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Stood up

I went to the park to meet a friend. Madelyn was all stoked about meeting their son. Let's call him... hmmm... "Jane". Madelyn kept talking about how much she wanted to play with "Jane". We got to the park right in time. I didn't see the them, but it was a really big park and it was the first time that I had been there. So, I walked around for a good 20 minutes looking for them. She said they would be by the creek and near the bridge... knowing this women's directions, I should have known there would be more than one bridge... we looked and looked, finally I had 2 very hungry children soI sat down with our picnic lunch. Madelyn kept whining about seeing Jane and I had to keep telling her that I didn't see them anywhere, so let's eat.

There is a water park next to this park and she told me that she would be over there at 10am and I should come.... for the ump-teenth time I told her that Audrey naps until 11am and goes back down at 1:30pm. She said they would be going to the adjacent park at 12:30pm. I knew this would be pushing it for Audrey, but I ventured out anyway because Madelyn loves Jane so much.

I left with Madelyn almost sobbing for Jane... I got home and she called and I would not answer it. They never left the water park and she didn't bother walking the block to tell me. How rude. For those betting on how long it would take for her to reeally piss me off... 7 months.

Oh snap!

Stupid

Slideshow

I put some new pics on the slideshow... Check it out.

Mama.... oooooo..ewwww.ewwww

Mama.... I just killed a squirrel... I put an ant trap in his hand, he ate it now he's dead... mama... his life has just begun.. but now I have threw my kid's entertainment all away.... Madelyn..oooo... didn't mean to make to scream, but mama just stepped something dead and squishy, so carry on carry on... as if you are really listening...

(Dream Sequence)

I see a little silhouetto of a squirrel. Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango.Thunderbolt and lightning - the squirrell is coming after me.. Gallileo, Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

RIP Mr. Squirrel

In memory of our little friend

PS Ants... you are going to die for this!!!!

Battlestar sited on divorce records

According to a informed source, a wife has put Battlestar Gallatica as the reason for irreconcilable differences in her divorce papers. The informant close to the couple stated the man spends far more time in front of the television gazing at ceylons than gazing at the wife. The husband falls asleep while he is watching the wife put the kids to bed and as soon as they walk out of the kid's room, he goes and watches Sci-fi crap until 12:30am.
The best part, the informant says, is that the husband blames the wife for him being tired to his family.
The husband proceeded to tell his Daddy, he was tired because the wife makes him change a diaper while she takes a leak so she can rock and feed the kid back to sleep. The husband's father said that the wife should get up in the night and let the husband sleep because she doesn't have a job and she does nothing all day long. Both Daddys did not get a Father's Day card from the husband's wife... (since she doesn't do anything..)



Garth: I've never seen you so mental over a girl before. Are you gonna marry her?
Wayne: Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!

Here's looking at you, kid.

Why

Why haven't you posted anything in awhile?

Sometimes...

Sometimes when the kids are screaming and it is 8:09am.... I drink my water and pretend it is bourbon. It makes me smile.

Madelyn's gifts from Grandpa and Grandma

It's been awhile...

With the kids being sick for over 3 weeks and a birthday party, I didn't have much time for you, Blog. I was too busy wiping noses and cleaning loose stool. I missed you every day, tho. I thought of all these witty things to write on you... but with the lack of sleep, I forgot each and every one. So, Blog, I just wanted to say... sorry for the neglect. I will try to get your affections back.

Primary Pisses Off District Court Judge

The USPTO has decided to appeal the recent case of Tatas vs Dudus. I personally think that Tatas should always overrule Dudus. Come to find out that a Primary at the USPTO knows the judge personally that ruled in the Tatas vs Dudus. They have parking spots located next to each other. Andrew P. states that the judge always drives up in his Volvo and almost runs him and his bike over almost day.
Andrew P. states, "That bastard thinks he is so cool. I know he sees me, but he just thinks I am some stupid SPE. He doesn't know I know that he knows that the court case is bogus. I never wanted to learn the new rules anyways. I am 150% over my quota! If you change that shit, I will only be at 94%. Don't fuck with my system, bitch. Oh, And don't touch my Huffy!"
According to Sam S., Andrew decided to park and chain his Desert Rose banana seat bike in the District Court's judge's parking spot on the day of the court's decision. According to Sam S., ".. he wrote a note saying, want your spot back? then don't fuck with the system!... hey quote me about how I challenged the dude to a race, but he saw my gun show and ran away crying. Do you want to see my gun show?"
Andrew P. states until the appeal goes through he will keep his overtime and keep his count up.
"I have my eye on some new window treatments and new flower boxes. I need the overtime for the thai silk pinch pleated drapes."

For a good time?

http://usjapanpatent.blogspot.com/

Good bye cellulite?

Has anyone seen the commercial for Good Bye Cellulite Lotion? It was really popular last summer. Just thinking of it makes me want to punch some skinny chick. Grrrr ... it makes my blood curdle. These chicks do not need cellulite lotion! They are genetically skinny and God has decided these chicks will make chicks like me growl in ultra peeved off matter.

I hate the marketing ad, I hate the boobless chick on the bottle... and I hate Nivea thinking that I will buy it because big boob Tyra is getting paid to market it on her show. Warning before you look at the Tyra's link... barf before... surprise barf sucks much more than premeditated barf. I like the camel toe? "HA look at me!" My mortal enemy would be those shorts... Oh, I think I just threw up in my mouth.

So jumping, skinny bikini, genetically blessed bitch who doesn't need this cream... please take the money from this and buy some boobs and get me some new eyeballs while your at it because looking at you makes me want to scratch my eyes out.

On a positive note.. Elmo is funnier than Tyra. Elmo in not so many words, bitch slapped Tyra. Good job, Tyra, on the hair and make-up.

kids sick

kids are sick.. I am sick of people staying up until 11:30pm knowing full well that it will be a bad night with two kids sick!

Does this make sense?

Obviously, I am potty training Madelyn still. She is doing well, but I don't think I will trust her to go in public without a pull-up for quite some time. It is just common courtesy to the rest of the world... I don't want people trip over pee or poop.

Madelyn went to school today for the first time in a loooong time. We are on the sub list so if someone is sick, we're in. We usually find out the morning of and I race over to dump her off. (In a kind motherly way, of course.) I have a nemesis of highlands ranch already. It is VERY weird how this lady gets entwined in my child's social life. Not even that she has a social life... it is complicated and the end of the day the women ignores me even though she should know who I am, but I am not "cool" enough for her. She reminds me of a person... who I am not allowed to say... but if you REALLY liked "white chicks and gang signs", you know who I am talking about. I like my power of invisibility... I should be on Heroes.

Anyways, she started potty training at the same time as I did. So, she brings her kid to school in real underwear and when the kids were on a walk, she pees her pants. The teacher has to take all the kids back to her home to change Miss Pissy Pants. And it isn't the kids fault, she should still be in a Pull-up... But, then the kids go back on their walk and lose craft time because of Miss No Pull-Up. Yeah, shit happens... but it should happen in a Pull-Up.

It pisses me off... (pun intended)

More Garage Sale Finds

I also got this...

YAhhh baby! YAH!

Oh behave!

Oh so 1999... .

I heart garage sales

I have been a long time supporter of garage sales. It started when my grandparents would take me to them and would buy me a nasty teddy bear and then it would magically disappear when I brought it home. The neighbor across the street was having a garage sale. When we moved in, he told us that he was "tool poor". I saw him "preparing" for the sale and I asked him if he was going to have a lot of tools on sale. He was kinda a jerk and told me he was going to have a lot of metal shop stuff on sale. "Just come back tomorrow".

Well, I like woodworking tools and I don't like taking Madelyn places because I will come back with the nasty teddy bear.

They had at least 200 CD's for sale. It was alot of stuff I listened to in high school and early years of college. Anyways, I bought some rakes and shovels and this...

Exposure Coverage '08

The neighbor down the street has a baby 9 days older than Audrey. They are really nice people... but they won't help me egg the people 7 doors down. (Which, incidentally, decided yesterday when they were half down the street that they forgot something and reversed it all the way home, almost crashing into a motorcyclist. I have come to the conclusion that they must have paid for the road since they think they own it.)
One can get the Varivax (chicken pox) vaccine at 12 months. Well, I think Merck should look into making the vaccine available to 6 months old. Lexi got the pox. Audrey has the potential of getting the pox. The watch is until May 1st.

For the relatives

Madelyn is in real underwear. I think she is 94.8% trained. She is know going by herself on the big potty... without a kid seat.

Audrey is waving, "hi"

Okay, I am going to stop talking about Madelyn potty training because every time I do... we have an accident. Like the one I am cleaning up right now.

Stinky Hippies

Me and the girls went to Red Rocks yesterday. Audrey couldn't take a nap and I was hoping she would fall asleep in the car on the way there. For those who don't know what Red Rocks is... it is a bunch of red rocks. I hope that clears that up...

I think the place has a magnetic draw to hippies and other stinky people (like really really old people that would drive slow in their caddies). There were a lot of hippies there hiking, biking, playing frisbie... yeah, what a life.

It is sooo hard to get Madelyn to take a good picture. Audrey is easy, make a fart noise and she will smile.

Madelyn is loving her swing set. Here is piggy ha ha takin' a swing.

White chicks and gang signs

I am gonna bust a cap in your bottle

Wigigidy wigity wack.. BOOOYYYZZZ...

Ahhhhh!

Spoke too soon... she took ANOTHER dump in her underwear while I was putting Audrey down for a nap. She said, "I'm sick!" I would have to agree. I wonder if it was the Japanese curry she ate yesterday?

Largest crap ever

Madelyn left a load... and my first thought was, "Are you okay?"

Then not five minutes later she says she has to go pee-pee... so I tell her to go ahead. (She can do it all by herself) I hear,"I went poo-poo!" WHAT?! Your last one was like 5 pounds? The next one was equally huge. She got to healthy helpings of chocolate for such a good job.

Way to crap! Good job!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood (Boooooring)

Champagne of beers. This picture was taken in the am.. on 4/13/08. After church, of course.
Any guesses why I was livin' the high life?

Damnit, get in my mouth!

It was a beautiful day here in Colorado. It was lower 70's.. sunny. Frickin' nice. Yesterday I went to Walmart and they had the swing set that I wanted. I was going to get it online, but, heck it was there so.. why not.

David started putting it together yesterday and finished up today. It was no easy task. The swing set was made in the USA so why did they use Chinenglish in the directions? Then I noticed it was built in Kentucky. Ah ha... enuf said.

Nothing new. I think of alot of funny stuff to put in the blog, but then I forget. It will come back I hope. Here of some pics I took today.

if you listen carefully you can hear Audrey say bye twice.

My Madelyn in "dancing classes"

Home Depot should be on the Root of all Evil

Reader discretion advised.

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/root_of_all_evil/index.jhtml

The show is pretty funny. I rarely laugh at shows (except for Everyone Loves Raymond because there are some aspects that mimic my life) But back to Home Sucko.

I went to Home Sucko yesterday to look at swing sets and to get a sprinkler. I enter the massive Home Store-that-"caters"-to-a-male's-urge-to-build-crap in the nursery section. I figured that would be more of the estrogen side of the 5 acre building. Get some pretty flowers, look at over priced lawn furniture... ahh... so serene. So I start looking for the sprinkler... found the cheapest! OK, kids still happy? Check! On to see what they carry for swing sets! I chase after the overly avoiding worker and ask were the swing sets "You can do it, now leave me alone" He told me it was Aisle 20 something in Lumber. That is 20 aisles to go. So Madelyn is constantly talking about ice cream and Audrey is digging my keys. I make the trek to the lumber section and Madelyn tells me she is hungry so I have exactly 10 minutes to get the hell out of there before she starts screaming.

In the empty aisle, I take off to the swing set end cap. I see that I shouldn't even bother coming down the aisle, but I just came 20 aisle to get here and I am gonna look. Just then a older man with his cute ever-so-manly orange smock asks if I need help. Nope. I am just looking at your crappy swing set section. Then he goes. "Why don't you keep an eye on her." Pointing to Madelyn. There is NO ONE in the aisle... she is walking in the middle of the aisle.. touching nothing... STILL talking about ice cream. My jaw dropped! I sarcasticly said, "Yeah, Yeah.." and gave him the look of death. Who the hell are you? "You can do it, We can help" My butt. They run when they see someone with breasts like a nerd runs to hide in the girl's lockerroom. When they do ask you if you need help and it is just a segway to tell you that you aren't watching your kids? What the HELL! She never shuts up! If she was quiet, I would know she is up to something.

I love Ace Hardware.

Here are the kids at the same age, but different houses. No sound for Madelyn.





Lois comes today. She booked it on American. The irony that the day they cancel 1,000 flights is the day she is supposed to fly.

I really should be cleaning, but, yeah... I have a theory on why the place is a mess and it ends up being her fault. I don't want to say it because, well, I would get in trouble. (I do live with a bunch of women) :)

I made Strawberry Rhuburp jam yesterday... in the cock pot. The only way to cook. David says it is good, I have yet to try it. I am becoming a Real Betty Cocker.

Well, I probably will not blog again until Sunday.

Green Beans

Poop is Precious in Mexico

Lois is coming on Wednesday and the house needs a face lift. David called some maids for me so I won't stress as much about the visit. They were supposed to come at 2pm and they arrived at 1:15pm, most people wouldn't care, but I needed to put the kids down for their naps. I told them which rooms to clean por favor and then I went and put Audrey down for a nap. Well, usually, I let Madelyn watch a TV show while I put Audrey down, but I didn't want her being freaked out with our guests, so I put her in her crib with the DVD player. I came back and asked Madelyn if she need to go pee and she said, "Goldfish". So I handed her some Goldfish and I left to check on the maids.

I come back and the room stinks to high heaven. I ask her, "Did you go poo-poo?" She spouts something about Barney and Triceratops (Baby Bop). I pick her up and noticed I stepped in something warm and wet. It's poop. Up her chest, Up her back, down her legs, in her hair... and now it is all over me to since I picked her up. Unknowingly, a terd fell on the ground and I had stepped on it. So, I need to clean this child up. I run her into our master bathroom and start scraping the Blackberry/Corn poo off. The maids come into the bathroom. I tell them, that we are potty training and she just pooped everywhere. The lady replied, "How precious." Then her son translated... and then they took a wiff of the bathroom. Not so precious, ay?

Maybe that is why they did a poopy job cleaning the house?

Bad Drivers Live in Colorado

You look at the lists of worst places to drive and DC is always on the list. I would like the people of these magazines to drive in Highlands Ranch (or Park Meadows... they drive horrible, too). They are HORRIBLE!
Example #1: I was backing out of my driveway this morning and I noticed the person SEVEN houses down was also backing out. I figured I had plenty of time. She whipped her Expedition out of the driveway and up my rear. She wouldn't even wait for me to throw it into drive... she went on the neighbors driveway and sidewalk to go around me. We are talking about 4 seconds for me to throw it into drive? Did I mention she had a car full of kids? Come on, we are neighbors! I want to egg her house. I know where you LIVE!
Example #2: No one uses their turn signals. I think they recycled them for the "Save the Bees" foundation or something... People should donate their cell phones to the bees, then maybe they will have a free hand to use their turn signals.
Example #3... I can't think of, BUT as much as I complain to my sister about it... I have a plethora of examples.

Warning! Warning! Audrey is mobile! Put up the gates and lock the cabinets because she is looking for something to drool on!

Little Green Hat

Here is the knit hat I got for Audrey at the Bizaare.

Spring Bizarre Bazaar

Madelyn and I went to the Highlands Ranch Spring Bazaar today. It was quite an affair. I still cannot believe that the vendors were so pushy. One lady wanted me to buy her candles. I asked her how much, she said 20 bucks... I looked at her like she was crazy. Then she states, they are made out of soy. Who cares? Oh. Coloradans care. Soy doesn't hurt the bees. Poor defenseless bees with stingers. I got Madelyn a princess wand for 3 dollars. She loves it... and it is purple. I bought Audrey a green knit hat. Madelyn picked it out. They are getting along really well. I hope it lasts for another 17 years...
Madelyn did really good again on the potty today. Go Madi!

Stealin' from the Nuetzel's

Our friends have a blog and I think it is really cool. I can only hope I can live up to their caliber of their blogging. I know I cannot compete with their photos... but... my kids are damn cute, too.

We are ferberizing and potty training. Only mothers seem to realize the stress I am under. I went to ballet today and told the other mothers about the situation and they looked at me with compassion. One even offered me chocolate. For those with no kids, ferberizing is when you make the kid cry themselves to sleep. It is in "Meet the Fockers". It KILLS you. I go into a fetal position. All you want to do is go to them, but you can't. It worked really well with Madelyn. Madelyn has kept a dry diaper all day. Yea Madelyn!